Diaries of a Suddenly-Single

For as long as I can remember I've been fighting the "Stay single and have fun" fight. Kind of hypocritical when I've been that girl who's always found herself in a relationship just as quickly as she got out of one.

Single again, I've decided to date. Date like in the movies where you go on dates with people you don't know and figure out the rest later. As it turns out this is really fun and I recommend trying it. Dates don't organise themselves, so all I'm going to say is www.datingbuzz.co.za. Ok?

To protect the innocent, I will use a nom de plume to refer to each of my dates.

Date #1: Agent Orange

I will refer to date number 1 as Agent Orange. He is now a really great friend who I plan to keep around for a long, long time. Even if it weren't my plan, I don't think he's going to give me much choice anyway!

Agent Orange called me up one day to tell me he'd like to take me to coffee on my lunch break. Instead, he took me for shooters followed by sushi and a seafood dinner. Agent Orange and I have still not enjoyed coffee together. We have had countless conversations, a roadtrip, several meals, devised a dating scoreboard for my future dates and between the two of us, been on about one date each a week since our first meeting. He's had more dates, but assures me I was THE most entertaining date he'd ever had. What with removing my heels in a (really) nice restaurant, attempting to go to the loo barefoot without anyone noticing, failing, changing routes, and asking waitering staff for directions...

Things did not improve during our second dinner. I slipped on my high heels on a wet floor in yet another (really) nice restaurant, spilled my cosmopolitan all over the sleeve of my shirt and broke a plate instead of my fall on the nearest table at the time of the slip. Agent Orange nearly spilled his drink he laughed so much, and then proceeded to phone his brother and share the joke.

The third date was great. Not short of embarrassment though, I managed to remain in my heels all night.

Despite all of this, Agent Orange is my friend for life. He thinks like me, but still provides me with food for thought regularly. He can drink more shooters than anyone I've ever met, is not bothered by material things and likes me for me. These are exceptional qualities and I am so lucky to have this person in my life.

Date #2: Armadillo

Armadillo was ditched when Agent Orange invited me to dinner, but I met him for drinks the night after feeling exhausted. Fortunately the company was ok, but there was no real spark. The conversations were easy and light-hearted, but at the end of the date I had no idea what to say when he asked me to have dinner with him the following week... I agreed, but a business trip followed by the aforementioned roadtrip, illness and a visit from a great friend have prevented me from rescheduling.

Date #3: Mr Judo

I took a chance on a younger guy here. I almost never do. I found the company was good, and the food was excellent. With Mr Judo I definitely made a friend, but I should have been more clear about that. Always be clear before you let someone down.

Mr Judo, I discovered when I invited him to join friends and I for drinks, was a little more interested than I had expected and it's never easy to let someone down. But I think I was nice, and genuine when I said I'd like us to be friends. Time will tell.

Date #4: Mr Smooth Arsehole

When someone describes themselves as "Very Attractive" on a dating site, it is almost always the case that they are deluded. Mr Smooth Arsehole was very, very deluded. Not only did he have a massive gap between his two front teeth, but he also looked very little like the picture on the website which I assume was taken 5 years ago.

I was supposed to have a date with Mr Smooth Arsehole tonight, but decided to make a double-date of it a week earlier when my single-and-gorgeous friend Mel was in town for a visit. We were thoroughly entertained by these 40-plus-year-old morons who tried, among other things, to show us off to their married friend who arrived complete with wife to observe the hot 25-year-old 'dates'. Also, Smooth Arsehole had lied about his age by 2 years and was older than he said he was. Dishonesty is not something I tolerate...

When Arsehole wasn't talking about himself, he would occasionally tell me to talk about myself only to interrupt me with more about himself and some random flirtation which I presumed was desperate-old-man-speak for "do you wanna come home with me for some uncomplicated sex?".

Towards the end of the evening, the subtlety had died as he was now well pissed and being more clear about the uncomplicated sex offer which I found utterly repulsive, but I continued to let him act like an idiot. Had I stopped him, this report would not be possible.

I left promising to still be his friend, and on the drive home Mel and I threw around ideas on how I could get out of the following week's date which we (at that point) were still going on. In my sobriety the following day, I decided that there was no reason to compose a masterpiece of an excuse - I had no reason to spare his feelings.

Instead of dinner with Smooth Arsehole, I am blogging instead.

Conclusion

The first and the last date were both hysterically funny for completely opposite reasons. I have made one amazing friend who thinks I'm great to have around, and who I find equally appealing. I've had a couple of evenings out with relatively good company and I've had one experience to remember (and laugh at) for a very long time.

One date I cannot report on is one I have in 15 days with someone I can only describe as probably a perfect match, in theory. Nothing in life can ever be so perfectly planned that you can say with certainty how it will turn out, but if I'm right about this one it's going to be one hell of a good story when I tell it one day.

If this is how my story ends, I would not change a thing.